I text you saying I’ve had a bad day and ask for you to cheer me up and you don’t. I just want a fucking nice text or you to tell me you love me in a sincere and thoughtful away and it doesn’t fucking happen
I love you. You push me away. I just need something now more
I don’t know
I can’t do this
So conclude: it’s your problem not mine. You’re asking something of me that’s so unspecified and horrible to ask your one year long girlfriend who you have shown so much intensity to previously. If you specify the problem and the solution, maybe we’ll be okay. But you’re telling me not to worry then giving me so much more to worry about.
I know I should drop it. I’m fully aware if I keep on bringing things up it’s going to ruin it for both of us.
Things I’m making up in my head -
- That he will break up with me if I don’t start distancing myself
- That he wants us to give eachother space
- That things aren’t good between us and we are on the verge of breaking up
- He loves me less than he did before
- He doesn’t want to see me
But at the end of the day, things have been done and said for me to create these things in my head.
If you tell me I need to be less intense and that you need personal space when all I do is love you and want to spend time with you it sounds it’s a lot more like your problem than mine. Don’t say those things weren’t said. You can’t tell your girlfriend of a year; who you were once very close to that you need ‘personal space’ and that we need to be ‘less intense’. Because that’s how our relationship has grown. That’s how we both are, it may be easy for you to just turn on a switch and be distant. But for me, suddenly having this confusion and suddenly being told that I’m too intense and too reliant on someone who has been reliant and intense with me before just creates so much confusion. I don’t know what the next step is for me. I’m fine with us being happy and letting this go, and all I want is the easiness that we had before, but I can’t be made to feel that this is my problem. Yes, the worrying was - but that was because of the change. Small changes like no texts in the morning, and then gradually bigger, like wanting to spend less time with me (yes just in the morning - no i’m not trying to make a big deal out of it), but obviously if there’s a change in my relationship I want to know why. But then, you saying that there’s some kind of change that you do actually want - which isn’t my problem, it’s yours. Some kind of change that I haven’t had to experience and some kind of change that I don’t exactly know what it is. Do you want me to spend less time with you? Do you want me to distance myself? See my friends more? Because I see my friends a lot, if you want us to have more balance, that’s confusing, because I do have quite a lot of balance anyway. Which again, leads me to thinking it’s your problem, not mine.
The only reason for all the intensity is the confusion. My friends are leaving to go to Uni, which is going to be a big change and is obviously going to intensify my feelings because I’m lonely. But now, obviously there’s a genuine problem that you have. And I don’t know what the solution is. I don’t know what you want. And what I think you do want is just going to be so difficult because it’s not what I’ve experienced for a year. We love eachother, and our relationship has been growing and we’ve had experiences with eachother and now you’re asking for us to take a step away from eachother when all this time i’ve been taking steps towards you. It was difficult at the beginning anyway to develop myself to be ready to have my first relationship and gain this closeness that I’ve never had before. And yes, maybe I am intense - maybe it’s because it’s my first relationship and first strong feelings, maybe it’s because I’m reliant as I have friends that are going to leave me. Maybe it’s just because it’s who I am and who I have always have been.
But because of whatever your problem, whether it may be because of my worrying, how much I love you, how I rely on you, how I want to spend time with you. I am so so lost in our relationship and I don’t know what you want from me.
Love. Before I found it, I didn’t want it. When I found it, it was beautiful and I devoured it. Now I have it; it’s painful, problem causing and hurts on a new level I didn’t know I could feel.
Everyday caught up in a vicious cycle of worrying and worrying that my worrying will push him away. Caught up in the fact my love for a boy is creating is directly affecting my love for the world, love for my friends, love for my family, my dreams & desire to do well in school - in life.
Each unsettling moment of over thinking - wondering if it’s all worth it. Questioning if it will all be better if I painfully let it go. Thinking that loving someone to an extent where their love does not compare to your love is too painful.
But then, in one moment. A hand touch, a smile, a laugh - it is worth it.
The fights, the uncertainty, the insecurity, the reliance, the lack of independence the knowing that when they’re gone - for a while - so am I, the excruciating desire to beat the odds, the tears, the distance between my mother and I. Everything.
I’m not a very ‘cuddle’ type person
they are just too hot and sweaty i’d rather sit alone
why did I get set up with a selfish, ungrateful, immature little boy a year ago and just HAVE to fall for him
From the moment I met him I didn’t doubt that it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve always felt second best but finally I had a reason not to. I have never doubted that I love him, and it would be the most heart-breaking thing if I ever were to loose him. I love seeing him, and get excited everytime. And for 8 months it was perfect. So excited to see him and such fun times being with him.
But now - I don’t know if things have changed or if I’m thinking too far into it. But being with him has changed every other aspect of my life. Things are different with my friends, family, even my appreciation of the world and that breaks my heart. I don’t try at school. My exams have little importance. I don’t get excited for holidays because I know i’ll miss him. I’m not going away with my parents and instead seeing him. I feel more insecure than ever, and that shouldn’t be something felt when someone loves you.
And I’m starting to have doubts if it’s worth it.
I can’t and I wouldn’t change anything now. But if I could change it 8 months ago… I don’t know.
In short - went to Egypt, France, Cornwall and Zante which where all absolutely amazing. Met the greatest person I think I will ever ever ever meet and the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
and she was such an annoying little idiot but you can’t tell me you love me more or tell me any of the things I wanna hearr
I’m sorry for being a whiney bitch last night and continuing being a whiney bitch today and I know I should not worry because you tell me and show me that you love me so I should just forget about any worries I’m having but it’s playing on my mind so so much. I shouldn’t worry but I’m just so so scared that you’re going to realise that you’re only with me because you were lonely and I know you say you love me and you hate it when I doubt you but I’m just so scared you don’t know that you don’t. And I know I’m probably just very paranoid but I could help but see you looking at her and it made me so sad and when I saw her sad at the end it made me think that there’s unfinished business and still feelings there - and I know you’re not with her because she was a dick but that doesn’t mean there aren’t feelings. I know I can’t expect you or anyone to have never have had history; but I haven’t so knowing you loved her and told her you loved her and kissed her and cuddled her and did everything you did with me - with her is so horrible. And then seeing you looking at her and her joking with your friends and looking at you was even more horrible because she was your first love or whatever and you won’t forget her or still care about her. And the way she was acting is so different to me - she was confident and stuff and obviously bad things too but I feel like you’re just with me because she hurt you and I’m different and I won’t hurt you. I just don’t want you to realise that you still have feelings for her and just blocked them out because she was an idiot or anything and it’s playing on my mind that you will and if you do thats fine but I love you and wouldn’t hurt you ever and I can’t stand the thought of her hurting you either. I just wish I didn’t see you looking at her or her looking at you or how you looked at her because I’ve convinced myself you’re with me for stupid reasons but you don’t know it yet. I want to be with you forever I don’t want you to realise you were supposed to be with her. And I know you hate it when I doubt that you love me I’m just really finding this very very sad because I’m imagining being without you and finding out you never really loved me and it’s the worst thing
my brothers girlfriend is so annoying
THIS IS NOT YOUR HOUSE YOU CANNOT BE THAT LOUD YOU SILLY SLUT